Autistic dating online
I wanted to keep my other side secret, or at least attempt to play it down.
It’s still difficult to tell someone who sees you as normal that you are autistic.
I’d like to say that my boyfriend’s words upset me, but it’s more complicated than that: I was both hurt by his disbelief, and strangely thrilled.
“Adorably awkward,” I thought, beginning to embrace this new, if inaccurate, diagnosis, given by a boy who wanted me to be normal as much as I did.
So instead I fell back on words — the safety of which I could understand, as their clarity left nothing to puzzle over or decipher.For a couple of months, I was sent to a special residential school for kids with behavioural problems, which was terrifying for all sorts of reasons I won’t go into here, and completely wrong for me.This story perhaps illustrates how far I had come since the age of thirteen, and why it was easy to lie to myself at University — to say that I wasn’t really autistic anymore, or that by learning about social graces I had somehow “got over it” or “got past it.” I was a nineteen-year-old with long blonde hair, doing a degree in English Literature and living away from my parents in University flats.In the years between twelve and nineteen, I had taught myself a lot — forcing myself to go out and read faces as you would a foreign script, learning to figure out certain movements and postures.But it did not come naturally to me, as it does for most people.